4 Food Fads I Can’t Swallow

Is it food, a story, or just punctuation? Some current food fads I wish would die… Have you got a favourite food fad you just hate? Here are a few of mine…

1. A plate with nothing but punctuation…

When does a food fad that started out being exciting, become nothing but a farce? Now, that’s when!

Not everyone is an artist, and while cooking is an art, treating the plate like a Picasso or more closely, a Joan Mirò, can run the dish into some serious trouble.

Recently a large group of us ate at a newish and highly regarded restaurant, where the chef had a long history of top executive positions. However, this is his first business, and I think he’s finding there’s a chasm stretching from ruling businesses with multi outlets, to cooking and serving in his own small haven.

The food was mostly good, but the attempted display of so many elements on every dish ensured that by the time we poor diners were served, the food was bloody cold! I peered at mine: “What’s that?” I asked.

“Oh, that’s a full stop,” opined one of my companions. Then I saw a dash, an exclamation mark, an ellipsis (yes, three dots…) and an apostrophe before I could make out the food!

So sorry, but now I am doomed to see punctuation rather than food. And I want to shout! “Is that all there is?? Is that all? Please, stop trying so hard! I’m here to eat, not gaze!” And I don’t mean graze…

2. Food on a breadboard or small tray…

Sick to death of food on a tray, spilling its guts all over you and the table?? Yes, me too. And you can’t heat a breadboard, can you?

So of course, the food gets colder than Trump’s lips when he spies cellulite.

What’s wrong with a plate???? A piece of crockery that was invented to be heated, keep the food warm, and in one spot. How wonderfully sensible? Supremely useful, and practical. A plate? An item that can also be dish washed to be clean, sterile, and slightly troughed to catch the precious juice that is often the highlight of a dish.

What’s wrong indeed? Oh I yearn for the days of fine bone china or even just bloody hotel crockery that keeps my dinner where it should be before it hits my mouth!

3. Drinks and food in jam jars… 

This is close to bringing me to steaming point, when I am served a salad in a frigging jam jar, a long spoon to eat it with, and a small napkin to catch the inevitable nuclear fall out as like a volcano, the contents disgorge themselves over me, the table, the floor and other unsuspecting guests.

What’s so great about jam jars anyway? They were designed for jam! Nothing else, not for layered salads. Possibly for pickles, but to eat out of? That was considered appalling manners, and still should be.

4. Deconstruction? Bah, humbug. Just cook me a good classic and leave the deconstruction of things to the demolition experts, where it belongs.

Going back to item number 1 and punctuation, we were served a classic lemon tart, ‘deconstructed’. In other words, we got full stops of meringue, some hard biscuits that I guess were supposed to be pastry, and some lemon curd in blobs.

It took a concerted effort from the hapless guests to go for the trifecta, and get the combination of textures and flavours into the mouth in one hit, that make this dish normally so popular. Oh blah! The chef can cook, but why do it so tough?

Now I’m waiting for the next fad to flood our poor kitchens and dining rooms in an increasingly competitive business.

A fad that will start in the chemistry lab of the new top chef, and spiral down to the rest of the food world until we poor diners have no option but to shoulder up, and give it a go. 

Any more fads I’ve missed? Would you like to share with us? Have a rant? Be my guests!!!